SENSELESS DENIAL

[PORTER MIDDLETON]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 380px; border-left: 20px solid #7a9aa9; background-image:url(http://i583.photobucket.com/albums/ss279/legendskseeker/fk5qwnjpg.png); padding-left: 10px; padding-bottom: 20px;] Senseless Denial, We spun like birds on fire right down towards the residence and i I took all that I desired even crooks have to pay the rent We swam like rats on fire right, right down the reservoir We took all that we could carry but we tried to carry more one week. porter had been back in sapphire bay for one week, and already he could feel how the city had changed to him. it was a palpable thing in the air. was this what love did to a man? he didn't know, but he did know he was madly, hopelessly and foolishly in love with charlotte. unfortunately, he'd had to return to sapphire bay without her, leaving her in paris to finish up the business of getting her things in order to return to their home. he hated leaving her as if he could lose her again at any time, but as always, she reassured him that she did love him in return. he'd turned into a bit of a worrywart lately, especially since they'd found out she was pregnant. the baby meant more to him than he could ever put into words, and he wanted this to work between them even if he was afraid he'd be a horrible father. despite that, he had some itching feeling in the back of his head that something was going to happen. wasn't that the way it always was with them? if it wasn't one thing, then it was another. why couldn't they just be happy for once? but they were happy, he reminded himself. they were in love, they were engaged because they wanted to be, and they were going to have a baby. what more could he ask for? he felt like a selfish prick to even worry. pulling his mask tight to his face, he tied it securely around the back of his head, making sure not to pull his ebony hair in the knot. fluffing up his hair and brushing it slightly to the side, he straightened his suit jacket and admired himself approvingly in the mirror in the hallway of the loft he would now be sharing with his fiancée of his own freewill. glancing into the bedroom that had once been charlotte's, but would now be theirs together, he smiled as he saw the photograph of the eiffel tower on the wall behind the bed. he'd been rearranging some things so charlotte wouldn't have to when she returned (although he left some undone, knowing she would want to nest without him getting in her way), and he'd slept in that room the night before. it wasn't the same without her in it after spending a month with her in paris. he'd craved her soft body against his and her cool skin on him. he couldn't wait to see her again. they'd agreed to meet at the masquerade ball tonight, and he was impatient to see her. he was, admittedly, acting like a douche to the new staff of servants he'd hired to clean and cook around the apartment. the last group had been a little less than acceptable. walking to the refrigerator, he opened the door and grabbed a bottle of pomegranate juice. taking a drink of the bitter juice, he walked toward the exit where his butler awaited him. when he'd returned to the states and his father had heard about the successful mending of his relationship with charlotte, andrew had been ecstatic. he'd given thurston to porter as a 'gift'. porter thought it was sadistic and twisted that his father would gift him with a person, but he kept the opinion to himself. it wasn't as if his thoughts mattered to the asshole anyway. pushing thoughts of his father out of his head and replacing them with positive thoughts of charlotte and being reunited with her again, he made his way down to the street and to his waiting limo. the driver already knew their destination, so he didn't need to speak as he slid into the seat and laid his head back against the leather. unable to control his impatience any longer, he decided he needed a drink. the waiting was going to kill him if he didn't. opening the fridge in the back of the limo, he poured himself a glass of straight gin and downed half of it by the time they arrived at the massive hotel where this masquerade was being held. gulping the last of the alcohol and breathing out a sigh as he tried to withstand the burning sensation of the aftertaste, he stepped out of the limo and waved it away. groups of people stood around outside, some waiting to turn in their invitations to get in and others just talking among themselves. ignoring all of them, and probably rudely pushing past some of them whether on purpose or accidentally, porter walked to the front door where an attendant with his face covered by a mask was allowing everyone invited to enter. even with the mask covering half of his face, porter's cutting blue eyes were visible, and the man could tell by his stance that porter was not one to be turned away. he pulled the invitation from his inner jacket pocket, waved it in the man's face, and cut past the people waiting in line to enter the ballroom. once inside, he had to admit he was impressed with the event. there were partitions set up which disappeared into the darkness above, creating a conglomeration of rooms, each unique in its design and decorations. there was dancing through each of the rooms as well as most debauchery one could imagine. it was a masked ball after all. people loved the anonymity, and porter couldn't blame them. he liked not being in the spotlight for once. disappearing into the darkness, he wound through the rooms until he reached the center of the ballroom. he was standing in a golden room with black accents, and this was where he decided to meet charlotte. pulling his cellphone out of his pant's pocket, he texted her quickly and then grabbed a passing waiter to examine the items on his tray. before long, porter heard someone enter the room and he turned to see who had arrived. a week apart had been too long. charlotte, outfit above, 1006, whoot whoot!

[/td][/tr][/table]
TEMPLATE BY KHRISTIAN OF CAUTION 2.0, LYRICS BY MODEST MOUSE[/center]

[CHARLOTTE HIRTH]

A small smile teased her lips as the city lights passed by quickly. A week had gone by since the amazing month she had spent with her fiancé, a month filled with macaroons and sex and sight-seeing, everything she wanted and needed. Charlotte hadn’t had a relaxing day or night since the moment the first engagement had happened, and now that she was done with trying to kill Porter, peace had settled over her. She had been able to lie in bed and really been able to take in all the little things. The way Porter scrunched up his nose when he laughed, the way his hands felt when he placed them on the small of her back, and the way it felt when his lips were pressed against her stomach. Without realizing it, her hands made their way to her stomach, where something was growing. Deep down, Charlotte hoped it would be a girl, but she just wanted to be a good mother. She wanted to be the complete opposite of her own mother, who had called moments before to congratulate Charlotte on fixing the damaged relationship with her fiancé. Ophelia had done nothing and most likely did not care about the details involving their separation for those awful weeks, but that was alright. What her mother didn’t know couldn’t hurt her. Like the pregnancy for one. No one but Charlotte and Porter knew about the pregnancy, besides the doctors, and that was the way she wanted it. It was their life and no one elses.

Making sure that her mask was securely on her face, Charlotte took a step out of the limo, lights blinding her for a second before she made her way up the stairs and into the ballroom, where hundreds of people were dancing in masks. Her dress was dragging slightly behind her, but it didn’t matter. Her goal for the moment was to find her fiancé, as they said they would meet at the masked ball. Her phone vibrated in her clutch and her brown eyes read the short message Porter had sent to her. Immediately, she pushed through people, her desire to meet him unbearable. A week had certainly been too long and she knew that the moment she saw him, she would die. Everything about him was what she wanted, what she needed, and while Charlotte knew they were in the honeymoon phase still, she didn’t want these feelings to end. Eventually, the honeymoon phase would start to fizzle and she would leave with his endearing personality forever, something she couldn’t imagine herself being tired with. Granted, she knew that Porter had a temper, but that was alright. There were some things she knew that annoyed him and being in love meant you accepted all the qualities that one may not enjoy. Porter was her one and only, and that was all she knew.

Opening the door, she glanced into the softly lit room and smiled at the figure in the center. The gold accents made his skin shine and when he faced her, his piercing blue eyes bore into her. A chill went through her back and she ran into his arms, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. Her lips were glued to his before she buried her face into the crook of his neck. ”I missed you.” she whispered quietly, loving the feel of their bodies touching. A shiver of lust made its way down her spine and had she not been with child, she would have thrown him against the wall and taken him in the secluded room. But her insides rolled, reminding her that there was another human in the room. ”The baby missed you too” she said, a large smile on her face. ”How are you?”

words: six three oh outfit: here notes: ohheythere

[/justify]

[PORTER MIDDLETON]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 380px; border-left: 20px solid #7a9aa9; background-image:url(http://i583.photobucket.com/albums/ss279/legendskseeker/fk5qwnjpg.png); padding-left: 10px; padding-bottom: 20px;] Senseless Denial, We spun like birds on fire right down towards the residence and i I took all that I desired even crooks have to pay the rent We swam like rats on fire right, right down the reservoir We took all that we could carry but we tried to carry more the sight of her was almost too much for him to bear. she was so beautiful, even if her gorgeous face was partially covered by her mask, and just as the last time they'd been apart, her beauty took his breath away when he saw her again. his memories of her were never as good as the real thing, and a week had been too long. she'd turned him into a drunk, lovesick fool whether he would admit it or not. besides, now that they shared a child - born or unborn - that made him feel even closer to her. with svetlana, that had only made him hate her more, but because of his love for charlotte, he felt his heart grow and expand to bursting when he looked at her. he'd been a bit foolish when they were in paris, kissing her belly and talking to the baby like any nerd would, but he didn't care. charlotte knew his complexities, and she understood him when he was stoic and when he was being a fool. she swiftly made her way across the room and into his arms, and he gathered her tightly against him as his lips met hers. he moaned softly when she pulled away, and his blue eyes cut into her as she told him she'd missed him. smiling his adorable smile, he pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it. "i missed you too, princess, and the little one too." he gently placed a hand on her stomach as his other hand touched the back of her neck and he leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. as he looked at her, all of the old lust and desire was still there, and he wanted to throw her down on the nearby golden couch and show her how very much he had missed her, but he wasn't sure how it could affect the baby. sure, they'd fucked plenty while he was in paris, but now, he didn't know. he had limited knowledge on pregnancy at the very best, his only experience having been with svetlana and that was an unpleasant one to say the least. she'd been so doped up on drugs, she'd killed her child before it had a chance to live, and the pain of that thoughtlessness stung him into keeping his distance from charlotte in the sex department. it would still take quite an effort to keep it in his pants though. smiling mischieviously at her, he bent his knees and lifted the hem of her dress over his head. in the dark beneath her dress, he did one thing he knew she would thoroughly enjoy and couldn't stop him from doing. he may not be able to fuck her, but he could pleasure her in other ways. his mouth wasn't only good for talking. when he heard her moans of pleasure, he emerged from beneath her flowing skirts and smiled as he saw it on her face. standing, he pulled her hips against his, his own desire obvious for her to see, and he kissed her beneath her ear before whispering into her ear. "i'm doing better now. how about you?" pulling her after him, he plopped down on the golden couch and patted the empty space beside him. now, he was hungry. grabbing hor'dourves from the tray on the coffee table, he helped himself to some macaroons and sighed pleasedly as he leaned back into the plush couch. glancing over at charlotte, he put his arm around her and swallowed before speaking. "did your mother call you? andrew called me and congratulated me on 'patching things up'. i wanted to tell him to fuck himself. he thinks he can get all of the credit for everything i do. i hope your mother doesn't sell her company to him." shrugging his shoulders, he swallowed another macaroon and stared at the wall opposite them. he knew it would never happen because ophelia was enamored with the little 'arrangement' she and porter's father had concocted, but a guy could always hope. his father had been a thorn in his side since he was a youngster, and he just hoped that once, his father would get what he deserved. coming out of his daydreams, knowing the anger he felt toward his father had turned his features to stone, he pushed out a smile as he glanced over at charlotte. "he's probably going to try to tell us everything to do with our kid. that's when i'll tell him he can stick it where the sun doesn't shine." raising his eyebrows, he smiled in amusement. charlotte, outfit above, 776, mmmmm

[/td][/tr][/table]
TEMPLATE BY KHRISTIAN OF CAUTION 2.0, LYRICS BY MODEST MOUSE[/center]

[CHARLOTTE HIRTH]

As she held onto him tightly, she knew that deep down; he would be a fantastic father. Andrew had screwed up his son, but Charlotte knew that Porter would use his memories to his advantage. The little boy or girl growing inside of her was proof of that, and the brunette knew the baby would be blessed. She knew what to do and what not to do, looking back on her past and his. There was no perfect parent, but Charlotte was going to make damn sure she was as close as she could possibly be. With their foolishness around the baby, and her stomach, she had gone into research on what she could and could not do around a child. Her coffee addiction had been hard to let go on, and remembering to take vitamins every morning was a pain, but the sex…well, that was frustrating. Technically, they could have sex, but she couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about what she looked like with her stomach beginning to stretch. She probably looked something like a large whale. So when Porter had left a week before, she had remained in Paris, and had set up a web cam. Her and Porter knew what had to be taken care of, and while she wished it had been his fingers playing, she dealt with it. ”Not as much as we missed you” she teased, leaning into him.

Her eyes widened as she watched him flip her skirt up and bend on the ground. Her eyes searched the room, wondering if it was really as empty as she had assumed earlier. But her mind wandered away when she felt his mouth against her and she squirmed at his touch. She hated the idea of sex in public, even though she had done it once before with him, but she couldn’t form a thought. Her back arched at the last minute and she felt herself let go before slumping against the wall, feeling tired. Charlotte’s brown eyes drifted shut for a moment but she opened her eyes and saw him looking at her. ”While I feel pleasured in many ways, I cannot believe you just did that! Wonder if someone heard?” she playfully said before winking at him. Before she realized what she was doing, her hands were undoing his belt and as she knelt on the ground and pulled his clothing off, she knew she had to do it. He had made her relax and now it was her turn to return the favor. Finishing and licking her lips seductively, she stood up and walked away, to the counter with liquids. Her eyes landed on the wine, but skipped over and grabbed a bottle of water before taking a strawberry from the dish next to it. While Charlotte wanted something alcoholic, it was not good for the baby and she wasn’t stupid enough to fuck everything up.

Silently making her way back to him, she sat down on the couch and rested her head against his shoulder. Her eyes drifted shut before opening them and looking at him intently. A small giggle and an eye roll escaped her before she could control her annoyance with her mother. Oh, Ophelia and Andrew should be the ones to get married; they were perfect at screwing everything up. ”Mhm, she called. Congratulated me on standing up for what I believed in and giving the press more reason to watch for the wedding. She’s still planning on selling because she doesn’t want what my father created. Hell, she already admitted she never loved my father. That was fun to talk about.” she got quiet as she thought back to the moment her mother had torn her father to pieces. It had been three weeks after the funeral and all Charlotte had wanted was to see her father. Michael had cared about her more than anything in the world, and he had been taken from her. It wasn’t fair. ”I didn’t tell her about junior here” she said, her hand going to her stomach. No one but the two of them and her maid knew about the baby, perhaps Porter’s butler, but no one else. She didn’t want the press to go crazy. ”Or we can move far away where he could never find us, somewhere only we know,” she teased, knowing it was impossible. She flinched and took a deep breath when she felt pain in her abdomen, something that had been a regular occurrence over the last week. Charlotte was planning on going to the doctor’s sometime soon, but she couldn’t miss the ball. It would be horrible if she did.

words: seven seven five outfit: here notes: ohheythere

[/justify]

[PORTER MIDDLETON]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 380px; border-left: 20px solid #7a9aa9; background-image:url(http://i583.photobucket.com/albums/ss279/legendskseeker/fk5qwnjpg.png); padding-left: 10px; padding-bottom: 20px;] Senseless Denial, We spun like birds on fire right down towards the residence and i I took all that I desired even crooks have to pay the rent We swam like rats on fire right, right down the reservoir We took all that we could carry but we tried to carry more her momentary piety was adorable to him as he came out from beneath her skirt and rose to face her. "if they heard then they heard a woman enjoying the joys of living... and her fiance's tongue." he chuckled mischieviously, tickling her sides. she flipped him a coy look of her own, and suddenly his belt was being removed and she was down on her knees. his eyes rolled back in his head in pleasure, and she had finished before he knew it. a bit dizzy from the sensation, he smiled as she licked her lips and went to the table to retrieve a bottle of water. he zipped his pants and tucked his shirt back in. when he finished dressing himself, he walked to the table where charlotte had gotten her drink, and he poured himself a glass of wine. "what a bitch..." porter commented when charlotte told him what her mother had told her about never loving charlotte's father. although he knew his parents had fallen out of love with one another long ago, they had the decency to stay away from one another so their family didn't have to be as miserable as they were. plus, porter had always been closer to his mother than his father due to andrew's knack at turning his children against one another in their constant struggle to be better so they could get his attention, and porter knew his father had been the biggest issue in his parents' marriage. he had no delusions of his father's potential to be a complete and total asshole. "i didn't tell andrew about the baby either," he agreed, moving to the couch and sitting next to her, wrapping his arm easily around her shoulders. "he can watch it on the news when we tell everyone as far as i care." he sipped from his wine and chuckled as she said they could escape where they couldn't be found. glancing over at her, he gently patted her belly and smiled sadly. "if andrew didn't already know exactly where i would go, then i'd say we should go for it." regrettably, his father knew him too well. he didn't know the real porter, but he knew his habits, and that had always irritated the younger man. suddenly, almost imperceptibly, he felt charlotte flinch next to him, and he looked worriedly over at her. "what's wrong?" he asked, his tone worried and mildly stern. he'd only been a toddler when his mother was pregnant with his younger sister, so he'd never been around pregnant women other than svetlana, and she hadn't been a good example in the least. visions of svet, high and dazed in the aquarium as she murmured to him that she had killed the baby, ran through his mind like a blast of cold air. "is it the baby?" the anger he'd felt at svetlana for killing something so innocent washed over him. the thought that another child that he had helped create could be in trouble made him angry. it was probably because it was his and charlotte's, that was the reason he was irritated. it was as if fate wanted to punish him, and he couldn't really blame it if that was the case. he had been a huge douche in his time, and he'd treated charlotte like shit since they'd met. he didn't deserve to have her and a baby and happiness. he wasn't the type of guy who got happiness easily. he was coming to learn that if he couldn't buy it, he wouldn't have it. shaking off those thoughts, he hugged her to his side and gently put a hand to her stomach. "when do you go to the doctor? am i allowed to go with you or is it one of those man no-no's?" he smiled, trying to lighten the mood since he could see the concern she tried to hide on her face. charlotte, outfit above, 655, *sniff*

[/td][/tr][/table]
TEMPLATE BY KHRISTIAN OF CAUTION 2.0, LYRICS BY MODEST MOUSE[/center]

[CHARLOTTE HIRTH]

She rested her head against his shoulder and suddenly felt so tired. For the past couple of days, she had been running around, trying to do everything to get ready for the baby. While the baby wouldn’t be due for a couple of months, Charlotte was excited. She had even called her friend to paint the nursery, which was now sunshine yellow. Charlotte had stopped by the apartment on her way to the ball and had checked out the progress, happy to see that it was done. Earlier in the week, she had called Porter and let him know that someone was coming to paint and that there would be a couple of boxes shipped to the apartment later in the week. This baby was going to have the cutest things ever and she knew that no matter what, the baby would be surrounded by love.

Bringing their lips together, she smiled at him. ”Have I told you lately that I love you?” she asked, knowing she hadn’t said it in minutes. Charlotte really did love him for everything he was; while their past wasn’t the cleanest, they were together and to her, that was all that mattered. They loved each other and she would always have a place in her heart for him. ”Ophelia and I are the same way.” she mentioned, wishing it wasn’t ”She could probably care less if she became a grandmother. But who really cares.” their fingers intertwined together and she closed her eyes. ”Let’s go to Greece. We need another vacation. Although, I’m sure your business has suffered without you,” a seductive smile toyed across her lips suddenly. ”After the pregnancy, I have a dance I’ve been dying to show you at your club. Of course it would have to be a private dance, and I’ve always wanted to role play…” her voice trailed off, grinning like the Cheshire Cat at him.

”I’ve been having cramps lately. And you are allowed, I just haven’t gone since I’ve gotten home, since, you know, I’ve been home for a couple of hours” she said, her voice suddenly laced with annoyance. She sighed and lifted her head off his shoulder before placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. ”Come on, let’s go out and show that we’re not being anti-social” she teased, standing up and taking a few steps towards the door.

As she neared the door, her legs trembled under her weight and she flinched at the pain in her uterus. Something wasn’t right and she knew it immediately, even before she glanced at the ground and saw a small trail of blood that was dripping down her leg. She turned, her eyes becoming unfocused as she tried to look into her fiancé’s face. But Charlotte couldn’t focus and she felt herself wobble on her two feet. ”Porter” she whispered, her tongue feeling heavy. Something else was trying to come out of her mouth and she felt her lips open, but she gasped instead. The pain, suddenly unbearable, knocked her over. Her body began to crumble like a rag doll being thrown to the floor and she fell, her arms holding her stomach tightly.

Her head hit the ground with a small thud and she felt herself go black. Minutes, or perhaps hours, later, she felt herself being lifted up onto a stretcher. Her arms were strapped to the side of the stretcher, and as she took in the emergency’s room pasty white color, she couldn’t find him. Charlotte’s brown eyes couldn’t find the blue ones that were supposed to be with her. Tears poured down her face as she screamed for him, searching the room wildly. Her mind tried rationalizing with her as she screamed, saying that maybe he hadn’t been allowed to take the emergency vehicle, that maybe he couldn’t hear her. A sharp pinch in her arm and she looked at the nurse, who was holding a now empty needle. As her eyes unfocused, Charlotte felt a hand grab her own and she once again fell into unconsciousness.

This time, when she awoke, her eyes took in another pasty white room. Her beautiful ball gown was now replaced with a hospital gown and she felt her mascara pooling beneath her eyes. As she tried to sit up, she felt a pain in her stomach and knew. No one had to tell her what was going on. Perhaps it was because she felt different, or in the back of her mind she knew there was too much blood for a silly reason, but she knew. Charlotte knew that there no longer was a baby and she screamed a sound of despair, feeling completely alone. Choked sobs escaped her throat as tears continued to pour down her face. Outside the room, she heard a doctor explaining quietly to someone-Porter? Her mother? Svetlana?-that the miscarriage had occurred. ”The baby hadn’t secured against her uterus. It’s a hereditary feature, when the baby is lost three months into the pregnancy. Ms. Hirth, would you mind if we did some tests?” Charlotte heard her mother mumble in response, not making out the words the older Hirth dared to say. ”Great. Now, Mr. Middleton, I suspect your fiancé is in need of some company. Please, do not tire her out. She, like yourself, is going through a difficult time. And please understand that the hospital will not mention anything that goes on to the press”. It didn’t matter if the press knew, if the whole damn world knew; her life was over.

The baby, whose room was painted and toys were bought, was no longer here. Her stomach felt empty and she curled into a ball, tears silently pouring down her face. Her eyes looked into the wall, begging to see something that would help. Her stomach still hurt from something, but it didn’t matter. It was empty and there was nothing. She was nothing. No one could love her. She had last one of the most important things in her life and she was sure it was her doing. Perhaps Charlotte wasn’t supposed to eat something, drink something, or do something that she had done. She had ruined everything, and she knew that Porter would never forgive her. He would never love someone like her. She would never forgive herself or love someone like her for what she had done. Charlotte had wanted this baby so badly and now it was gone in a blink of an eye.

words: one oh seven five outfit: here notes: i almost started crying!

[/justify]

[PORTER MIDDLETON]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 380px; border-left: 20px solid #7a9aa9; background-image:url(http://i583.photobucket.com/albums/ss279/legendskseeker/fk5qwnjpg.png); padding-left: 10px; padding-bottom: 20px;] Senseless Denial, We spun like birds on fire right down towards the residence and i I took all that I desired even crooks have to pay the rent We swam like rats on fire right, right down the reservoir We took all that we could carry but we tried to carry more porter's evening was not ending the way he had imagined it when he'd imagined how he would greet the love of his life after being apart from her for weeks. he'd imagined sweeping her into his arms and carrying her into their loft, lowering her onto the bed, and making love to her all night long. instead, he found himself sitting numbly in a chair in a hospital room, listening to charlotte scream in her sleep while her mother spoke with the doctor at the door. days of torture had passed in his mind, but only hours had passed in the real world. charlotte stood, telling him they should be more sociable, and he'd been about to playfully pout and attempt to talk her into retiring to their apartment so they could be alone in their own space, when she'd buckled over. running to her, his shoe splattered the blood and it splashed over both of his feet, a few droplets getting onto his pants. at first, confusion overwhelmed him - what was happening? - but the realization hit him like a ton of bricks. as he reached for her, he heard his name on her lips, and then her petite body convulsed away from him, falling lifelessly to the floor in the puddle of her own blood. he remembered screaming, lights flooding into his mind as he carried her limp body outside into the night, and apparently he'd called an ambulance at some point although he couldn't remember the details now. the pain was too horrific for his mind to sort everything out, and he knew it would be days before he could remember all of it. he absently remembered the emergency workers refusing to allow him a ride in the ambulance because 'he wasn't officially her family whether they were engaged or not', and he'd cussed the man out, professed that he was 'porter middleton, damn it, let me in the fucking ambulance' but it had been useless. thurston dragged him away and stuffed him into the back of his limo - one of the many limos he'd ridden in with charlotte over the course of their oh-so-short love affair - and they'd sped along after the vehicle holding his future wife and... no, there was no baby. the realization of that hadn't fully hit him yet even as he heard the doctor confirming as much to ophelia. he'd heard the news first, of course, since he'd leapt out of the limo before it had come to a complete stop, and he'd muscled his way in among the emt's in an attempt to be at charlotte's side. her dress was soaked through with the blood by that point, and her beautiful face was covered with an oxygen mask, and the sight both horrified him and filled him with such a desperate need to heal her he couldn't control himself. although the nurses shoved him away, he batted at them until he could reach the side of her stretcher as it raced through the hospital emergency wing. "charlotte! i'm right here. charlotte, i love you!" he cried, grabbing her hand, as he saw her eyes flicker open, but she couldn't hear him. another nurse pushed him rudely away, and he stumbled hard into a wall, his body going ice cold as he saw his fiancee disappear through the doors to surgery. the baby was gone. he'd known it when he saw the blood. hell, he'd known it when she'd first put her hand to her belly and told him she'd been feeling cramps. he probably knew it when she'd found out she was pregnant: he did not deserve that sort of happiness. fate knew he was a bastard, and he was being punished for it. but, although he deserved to be unhappy, charlotte did not. she deserved every sparkling bit of happiness the world had on reserve, and it angered and pained him to know she'd lost something so dear to her. and somehow, he knew it was his fault. svetlana had lost her baby, and that had been his. now, charlotte had lost hers, and that had been his too. there was a common thread between the two: him. rationally, he knew that wasn't true since svetlana had killed hers by doing drugs like an idiot, and apparently charlotte had some sort of genetic defect thanks to her mother, but he wasn't being rational right now. suddenly, a sobbing scream pierced the air and the foggy depression settling over his mind, and porter sat bolt-upright in his chair. charlotte tried to sit up but fell back onto the bed, her sobs echoing in the small room. his face crumpled with bitter despair as he saw, and heard, her pain. he pictured the brightly painted baby's room, the tons of clothing already filling the closet and dressers. he could see the swinging mobile over the expensive crib they'd bought, and in his mind, he heard the lullabies turn discordant and deadly. Mr. Middleton, I suspect your fiancé is in need of some company. Please, do not tire her out. She, like yourself, is going through a difficult time. And please understand that the hospital will not mention anything that goes on to the press, commented the doctor needlessly. porter whirled on the woman, his ice blue eyes flaring in harsh anger as he stepped toward the doctor. "she just lost our baby, you bitch. i know she's going through a hard time. get the fuck out of here," he snapped rudely. "i don't give a damn about the press, and i don't give a damn about your 'professional opinion'. those bastards probably blared it out on the evening news the second they saw me carrying her out of the ball. get out." porter had always hated doctors even though he trusted them. as far as he was concerned, they were a necessary evil, and they tried to get too much money for doing practically nothing. nurses did most of the work, while the doctors made the big bucks. he trusted that his doctors could cure him and make him feel better when he needed it, but their company was one of the last things he desired. turning his back on the doctor who swallowed heavily, huffed, and left the room, porter moved to charlotte's side as she cringed and woke up gradually. behind him, he heard her mother shuffling silently near the door. he'd commanded thurston to call the old woman while they were in the limo, knowing she needed to know but not wanting to be the one to tell her. he hadn't told his own father about the child in the first place, and he wasn't about to tell him about this, so screw him. the last thing he needed was his father to add to the drama of the evening. porter... came ophelia's voice as he intwined his fingers through charlotte's and brushed her damp hair back off of her sweaty forehead. "go away, ophelia." his voice was quiet and dangerous. he'd already given the doctor a piece of his mind, and he was prepared to do the same for her. he heard her intake of breath as she began to speak again, and he slowly turned his cold, blue-eyed gaze on her. "i said... go away," he repeated, glaring coldly at her. "you did this to her. you gave her this... whatever it is. just get the fuck out of our lives and do us all a favor." the older woman's lips snapped shut and she glared at him in pious, self-righteous defiance, but she didn't argue. he turned away from her, back to charlotte, not caring if she left or stayed or not. he'd deal with her later if he had to. right now, all that mattered was charlotte. squeezing her hand, hearing her heavy breathing and intermittent sobs, porter squinted his eyes against his own tears. he'd never cried much in his life, but charlotte's pain affected him much stronger than anything painful he'd ever felt. he felt as if his chest was being torn open every time he heard her cry out in her sleep, and he wanted to blind and deafen himself to get away from watching and hearing her go through so much torment. he'd never before felt such powerful emotions about anything - or anyone - and it shattered him to his core. "charlotte..." he whispered, his throat swelling shut as the pain overtook him. his forehead fell and landed on the back of her hand which he held in his, and his shoulders shook from silent sobs. he wouldn't let her hear his pain; she didn't need to deal with his as well as her own. he would bear the brunt of both of them, but he would never put that task on her shoulders. he'd put her through enough already. "charlotte... i'm so sorry... what have i done...?" charlotte, outfit above, 1491, *sniff* *sniff* me too T_T

[/td][/tr][/table]
TEMPLATE BY KHRISTIAN OF CAUTION 2.0, LYRICS BY MODEST MOUSE[/center]

[CHARLOTTE HIRTH]

The baby.
Just the idea that she no longer was in charge of the human that had been growing in her stomach killed her. Charlotte wanted to die and she didn’t know how. Something was wrong with her. There had to be a reasonable explanation as to why the baby had disappeared. At first, when she had sat in the bathroom thousands of miles away, she knew she hadn’t wanted the baby. But then, it was because she was worried Porter would leave her. As the idea grew in her mind, she knew that the baby was everything she wanted. She would walk down the aisle on her wedding day glowing with happiness and pregnancy, a bum appearing under her designer dress, and it wouldn’t matter. There would be a real family. Sure, the doctor probably wouldn’t allow the newly announced Mrs. Middleton on a plane to a different country, but it wouldn’t matter. Porter would come up with a romantic way to woo her and make it seem as though they were on their own private island, alone at last. And in a year or so they would travel away and make love until the sun went down and make love until the sun came up.

There was no baby. Tears streamed down her cheeks silently as she heard the doctor talk to her mother and Porter. Her stomach, which had held a baby, was now full of calories that she had digested earlier in the day. She felt fat and unattractive and insecure to the extreme. Obviously there was something wrong with her. There had to be. A normal woman would be able to have a child, hell, a woman who didn’t want a child could conceive. Yet here she was, a perfectly healthy young woman, who couldn’t have a baby. People got stoned for these types of things centuries before.

Porter would surely leave her. She was useless and he would find someone better, someone prettier, and someone who could have a child. She would be alone forever, just like before. Soon enough, she would turn into her mother and raise a child with a bitter tone, knowing that she had never wanted the child in the first place. But the child Charlotte had with Porter was one she wanted and she didn’t want to turn out like her mother. Ophelia was evil and Charlotte wanted to prove that everything would be alright and that everything would work out. But her heart hurt so much she knew she couldn’t get over this. This would forever be in the back of her mind, taunting her.

Without realizing it, she felt Porter on the side of the bed and she rolled over onto her back, staring at the ceiling, silent tears continuing to pour down her face. Hearing her name being whispered out of his mouth with such pain made her cry even more. He thought he felt, that he understood her pain, but he never would. He would never understand waking up in the morning and knowing that you were now in charge of another human, that you were taking care of someone other than yourself. He would never understand that she wanted this baby, sometimes even more that she wanted him. No, Charlotte would never admit that, but it was the god awful truth.

She listened to his words and she couldn’t answer them. He did nothing, but her voice was lost in her throat. She felt the tears against her limp hand and she opened her mouth. No, Charlotte realized, she had to be strong for the both of them. She knew she needed to and she pulled his face to hers, they eyes meeting. ”You did nothing” she said, her voice steady and even as she felt her heart break into smaller and smaller pieces. ”Nothing is your fault”. Grabbing his hand, she pulled him onto her small hospital bed and curled against his body, his breath and tears hot on her neck. Silent tears still escaped her eyes, but she refused to scream. It was not just about her; it was about them.

Her brown eyes studied the wall and she buried her face into the pillow, drying the tears. ”I need you to tell me that you love me” she whispered as she rolled over and looked at him. ”I need you to.” and as she said this, she realized she did. Porter would be her bandage and help her if she helped him. ”Because I need to know our love is strong enough to overcome this.”

Suddenly, her mouth felt dry and as she sat up to reach a water bottle on the side table, a shooting pain exploded against her abdomen. A gasp escaped her lips as she fell against the pillow, her hand spreading over her wound. A scar was there and she didn’t want to know why. Surgery, obviously, but she didn’t want to think of it. ”It hurts so goddamn much, Porter” she gasped her eyes shutting and a few more tears pouring out of her eyes.

Part of her wanted the nurse to rush in, give her some medicine, but it wouldn’t happen. Instead, a familiar brunette appeared with pudding and a frown. Ophelia had disappeared for moments but returned with a piece offering. Charlotte couldn’t understand why her mother was glaring at Porter, but she appreciated the small gesture. ”I got you some food to eat if you’re hungry.” Ophelia mentioned quietly, putting the pudding cups down on the table. The mother’s eyes flared at Porter. ”Don’t look at me like I’m some selfish woman, Porter. I care about my daughter whether you realize that or not. And just because you demand I leave does not mean I will be” Ophelia’s voice had a final touch of anger, and Charlotte buried her face into his chest, praying the pain would disappear. The physical pain would, but the emotional…well…


words: nine nine two outfit: here notes: i almost started crying!

[/justify]

[PORTER MIDDLETON]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 380px; border-left: 20px solid #7a9aa9; background-image:url(http://i583.photobucket.com/albums/ss279/legendskseeker/fk5qwnjpg.png); padding-left: 10px; padding-bottom: 20px;] Senseless Denial, We spun like birds on fire right down towards the residence and i I took all that I desired even crooks have to pay the rent We swam like rats on fire right, right down the reservoir We took all that we could carry but we tried to carry more porter was brought out of his self-loathing stew as he felt charlotte's hand move in his. he lifted his face and looked up at her, and her hands touched the sides of his face, pulling him gently toward her. you did nothing, she stated, nothing is your fault. but it was, and she couldn't see it. he'd fucked up her life, he'd fucked up svetlana's life, and he'd fucked up his own life. his father had been trying to tell him he was worthless for how long? and porter had never listened. he should have. now he was reaping the consequences. but charlotte's grip on his hand, pulling him toward her, was like a magnet and his self-pity was wiped away as he climbed into the bed beside her. she buried her face in his chest, and he cupped the back of her head, kissing her on top of her brown hair. he was crying, but he was silent although the tears dripped from his face and into her hair and onto her skin. he didn't want her to see him like this; he wanted to be her rock, not some pitiful ass. she was stronger than him, and she was the one that had lost what she'd treasured most. he knew she'd wanted the baby; she'd only been afraid he wouldn't want it. to charlotte, that had been her world - as evidenced by the wild abandon she'd adopted in terms of buying clothing and items for the child's bedroom - and she had lost that. losing him hadn't torn her apart as this was doing to her, and he knew it. part of him felt jealous toward the child that never was because she didn't love him like that. he wasn't worthy of such love, and he knew it. he had hurt her too badly with what he'd done with svetlana and telling her he didn't love her for her to truly forgive him, and the baby had only been a temporary patch over that wound. she pulled away from him, the tear trails red down her cheeks, and she told him she needed him to tell her he loved her. and he did, so very much. he'd never loved anyone as much as he loved her, when she was bright and happy and when she was like this: broken and distraught. he would always love her, and no one would ever fill that place that she'd made for herself in his heart. "i will love you until my dying day," he whispered, his voice intense yet quiet, "even if you stopped loving me, i would love you." he cupped her face with his hand and offered her a small, sad smile. she sat up to retrieve her water bottle before he could kiss her, and then she winced in pain and sat back just as quickly, her hands on her abdomen. his eyes widened at the reaction, and then he heard her words. he didn't know the exact procedure the doctors had done since they wouldn't allow him in the surgery room, and he didn't want to know. he just wanted to forget all of this horrible night and just move on. but that couldn't come quickly enough. "i'm sorry," he whispered, pulling her into his chest and kissing the top of her head as she rocked with the pain. the door opened and he turned to look, figuring some nurse had been walking by and saw him in the bed with charlotte and was going to order him down. instead, to his chagrin, ophelia entered with some pudding. ugh. pudding. of all the damned things in the world... she offered the 'food' to her daughter, and porter sat up in the bed, swinging his legs off the side and glaring at the older woman but remaining silent. he didn't want to fight with her now that charlotte was awake. she didn't need the drama. however, ophelia wasn't about to keep her irritation with him to herself. Don’t look at me like I’m some selfish woman, Porter. I care about my daughter whether you realize that or not. And just because you demand I leave does not mean I will be, she purred dangerously at him, and he glared even harder at her. she was selfish. she'd bartered her daughter off into a potentially loveless marriage for a company she'd never even wanted in the first place. she hadn't even cared that porter and charlotte hated each other, she'd only been overjoyed that they'd mended things so the relationship would look good for the press. and when he looked at her, all he could see was his father. red flashed in his vision, and he had to look away from the old woman so he wouldn't attack her. even if andrew was a horrible man, he'd taught his sons never to hit women. but ophelia was damn well close to deserving it. clenching his fists, he climbed off of the bed but remained standing protectively by the rail along its side. "you know what you are. you don't need me to confirm it for you," he snapped, keeping his tone as pleasant as possible. he hated she was here, hated he had ordered thurston to call her. charlotte needed him, not her. he'd been the one who had been with her since the beginning of all of this: not just the pregnancy but since the beginning of their forced engagement. but he also knew he was selfish. he wanted charlotte's affection to himself, having known she ultimately loved the idea of a child with him more than she really loved him, and having her mother here just muddled things up farther. looking away from ophelia and to her daughter, whom he loved, he offered charlotte a small smile and leaned over to kiss her forehead. "i need some air. i'll be back soon." snubbing ophelia by ignoring her on his way out, he stepped out of the room and sat on a bench down the hallway. setting his head in his hands, his fingers running into his black hair, he sighed and tried to clear his mind. however, his wish could not come true. "son." he recognized the voice as quickly as he recognized the armani shoes and suit pants that stepped up next to him. with a sigh, he lifted his head and looked tiredly up at his father who he was, unfortunately, a mirror image of if in looks only. "father." his voice was flat, and after dealing with the tragedy of the night compiled with ophelia and her inherent drama, he didn't have the energy to deal with this. since he hadn't called his father, someone must have, and he doubted thurston would betray him in such a way, so it could have been no one other than charlotte's mother. how delightful. "i heard about the... accident," andrew stated emotionlessly. porter couldn't even detect a hint of emotion in the man's ice blue eyes as he said the words. he couldn't bring himself to respond to such heartlessness, so he remained silent and his father continued. "you didn't tell me charlotte was pregnant. that would have... i'm..." andrew took a deep breath and slid his hands into his pockets before continuing. "i'm sorry, son." it was the first time his father had apologized to him, and it couldn't have been at a worse or more opportune time. he hated his father for coming here just to rub it in his face; that he'd had everything and lost it all at once. it was his father's way: to make him feel like an ass. "why?" he asked, his voice growing stronger as years of pent up anger at his father welled up within him. rising to his feet which brought him eye-to-eye with the older man, he glared at him with twenty-three years worth of rage. "why are you sorry? you've never been sorry for any damn thing that's happened in my life. you even made most of it happen, damn it!" leaning toward his father who actually seemed to be repentant for once in his life, porter hissed in his face. "i hate you. i don't need your pity. i didn't tell you charlotte was pregnant because it's none of your fucking business. stay out of my life." walking around his father, he headed back for the door to charlotte's room, but he was stopped short by his father's voice: small and meek unlike any time he'd heard the powerful man speak before. "porter... i've been a horrible father," he admitted, causing porter to stop in the hallway but keeping his back to him. he listened while his eyes stared sightlessly at the door handle to charlotte's room. "but i would never wish what has happened on you, son. everything i've done, i've done to teach you, to turn you into the stronger man i knew you could be.... it seems i've succeeded. i'll go now. please tell charlotte i truly am sorry." porter heard his footsteps fade off down the hallway, and he stood staring at nothing until he heard the elevator doors open, close, and then bing away as it went down the floors to the lobby. tears filled his eyes and all he could see was white and green light as the colors of the horribly-decorated hallway blurred together with the flourescant lighting above him. in his perverted way, his father had given him the biggest compliment of his life, and it hadn't been because porter had blindly obeyed him for once. he had stood up to him, and andrew had accepted, finally, that he was a man. he had been released from his father's pull, and the relief and sadness of the realization made him stagger, and he leaned against the wall for a moment to catch his breath. when he had recovered, he wiped his face and entered the room, ready to face whatever the world had left to throw at him. charlotte, outfit above, 1674, a little bit of a brighter note there at the end, although still kinda sad x)

[/td][/tr][/table]
TEMPLATE BY KHRISTIAN OF CAUTION 2.0, LYRICS BY MODEST MOUSE[/center]