to get away from me || CONNOR

[eli byrne]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HshTMYttcWs/Sltx2S2CJNI/AAAAAAAADtE/Ui6YFoZchHI/s400/bar-refaeli-005.jpg) ] now it's clear to me That everything you see Ain't always what it seems - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Her chin rested on her chest as she perched in the chair that had been her prison for the past months. She had been here almost a year now, although she'd never be able to tell. The only time she was released from her confinement was when she had to use the bathroom. That was it. She couldn't move from this sitting position to sleep, to lay down, to do anything. Her back was screaming in agony and her body ached from the constant position. The chair was made of wood, and it had no give to it. She wasn't going to be able to move soon enough and even the trips to the bathroom left her in agony. Her muscles were wasting away, and their steady method of starvation was taking its toll on Eli. Her body couldn't handle it any longer. Her strength had been depleted, more so in this last month alone than any other. Their constant beatings had ceased, but she still got the occasional back hand and more times than not they thought it fit to kick her chair over, making her head hit the cement rather roughly. They had done it to her earlier today and her vision still swam. However, since the room was encased with darkness she didn't have trouble focusing because there wasn't anything to focus on. It was when they brought her to the bathroom that she suffered miserably. Her vision was going to be ruined. Her aim was going to be off if she ever got her hands on another gun. And those thoughts brought her to thoughts of her home life. The guns she had there, then to the love she had found there. Connor. Her thoughts flew to him instantly and to what she had lost. The baby. She had been pregnant because of their carelessness. The day she had found that out was the day that she was taken. She hadn't even been able to tell him. She hadn't been able to let him know that he was a father. She was miserable and bitter and broken. She had never felt like this in all of her life, not even when she was held hostage in the Marines. This was a new feeling of low and she was afraid that she'd never be able to pick herself back up. She had lost their baby. She hadn't even been a good enough mother at the very beginning of the pregnancy. She hadn't wanted to go out on that job but Connor had insisted that she go. She trusted him because of their newfound relationship and because he was her leader. She had never had a reason not to trust him. She still trusted him. However, she began to question why he hadn't come for her yet. Even if they hadn't been dating, wasn't she still valuable to the Mafia? It didn't make any sense to her. She just had to be that deeply hidden that no one could find her. It made sense, right? It just had to. Taking a deep breath now, Eli let it out slowly. It didn't matter. She was going to get out of here. She had been planning it for the last month. She had the knife from one of the meals they had given her and she had just needed to work out the change of guard schedules. She had an hour once this one stepped off. She needed to work quickly. As the man came in to check on her, Eli kept her head where it was, appearing to be asleep. Once he removed himself from the room, she heard what she needed to hear. The lack of key turning in the door. They had gotten lazy. She had needed that. Moving quickly, she fished the knife out of her back pocket, using the blade to cut through the ropes that her hands were tied with. Once she cut through those binds, she made short work of the ones that tied her ankles and slowly pulled the gag from her mouth. Keeping the hankerchief tied around her neck, she stood up, stumbling slightly from her appearance. She looked like a living skeleton. She had dropped twenty pounds from her stay here, and she wasn't a girl that had needed to lose the weight in the first place. The fresh bruises on her face only made her look more hallowed and more pale, her skin holding a greenish tinge. But she was okay. She was going to be free. She was going to get back to Connor and Jett and things were going to be alright again. It didn't take her very long to get out of the building. It was disheartening how easy it was for her to escape. How had Connor not found her by now? Especially when she stepped out into air that she never thought she'd get to breathe again. She was so close. So close. She started moving now, slow because of the stiffness of her body and the agony she was in. She had to get home. She just had to get back to the compound. Everything would be alright once she was safely back inside the gates. That was what she told herself with every painful step that she took. With each step, she was closer to home. It took her hours, but she made it. She was finally standing outside the gates of the compound. And when she punched in the code, she let out a sob. It was the right one. It still worked. Inching in the small gap that just started to open, she moved up the driveway as quickly as she could. But she was too weak, she had spent the last of her energy. She barely made it to the steps before collapsing. She just needed to rest. But her head was on fire, her body was in agony. She hadn't eaten for the past five days, and the starvation was paralyzing her. To top it all off she was dehydrated and her body had been beaten and violated in so many ways. Never again had she believed she'd be raped after the Marines. But those Russians had soiled her time and time again. She was just thankful that they had beaten her so badly after they raped her that a child from them would never survive. That was the one silver lining. Breaking down on the first step, Eli wondered if she'd even make it inside. At least she was home. At least she would die here. CONNOR. 1098. OUTFIT. TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[CONNOR SELWYN]

[style=width: 400px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: #000; line-height: 85%; text-transform: uppercase; padding-top: 8px;]it's a steel knife in my windpipe

She fucking hates me and I love it

a year had passed seemingly so quickly in the life of connor selwyn. he'd done the last thing he could imagine to do to gain himself an alliance to the russians, and it had backfired in his face. he wanted to kill every one of them, and victor too since he'd been instrumental in the whole thing going south in the first place. so what, he'd fucked victor's daughter/assistant/former-coworker? he was a man, unlike that backstabbing cocksucker, and he liked to sleep with women. just because v was pussywhipped didn't mean he had to be. and that was probably a large part of the reason he'd sold eli out in the first place. some distant, tiny little piece of him protested that he never should have done it, but the larger part of his mind - the calculating criminal part that was the strongest - believed it was the only way. and then he had lost her and his preciously sought alliance, in the matter of a few hours.

while most men would have allowed that to break them, connor selwyn had not. he still had the mafia, and that was, ultimately, what mattered. and that was when the ira had stepped in. jett had instantly balked at their presence (since they had killed his and eli's parents and pushed them into the mob in the first place), and believing that his sister was dead or 'missing' (since connor hadn't told anyone the truth of the matter, of course), only made him more impetuous and rash. he managed to torch one of the cars the ira arrived in before connor could call him off. unfortunately, connor had invited the death of his 'family' into his home this day, and he was ruing the consequences. chester mcconnell sat at his rich, ebony dining room table and twined his fingers together in front of him as if he was right at home.

"you've gotten out of control, connor," the young man said, his eyes nonchalantly making contact with connor's. chester was the youngest (and rumored deadliest) member of the ira's ruling council. he was a burly man, close to connor's height but exploding with muscles that a man of his position would never have been imagined to have. everything about him spoke 'warrior' although he had a reputation as a calm member of the council. connor thought it was bullshit. mcconnell had no reason to be so physically fit if he wasn't going to use that strength. he was surrounded by old men on the council with him, so he had no physical threat from them, and he had no romantic or personal contacts that he needed to protect (at least that anyone knew about). so there had to be another reason, and connor doubted it was for mere intimidation value.

turning back to face the young irishman, connor offered him a wry, mean smile. "i've always been in control of myself," connor retorted, leaning over and planting the palms of his hands on the black table next to where jett sat fuming angrily. "i've just never been controlled by you, and the ira hates that." if he had gotten beneath chester's skin, he couldn't tell, but he imagined that he had. it made him feel he had the upper hand even if the irritation didn't show on the other irishman's face. instead, chester smiled slightly at him as if sorry that connor felt that way. "indeed, you've always been a free spirit: just like your father," chester stated pleasantly. connor knew he'd meant it as a jab, bringing his father into this. it was widely known how much connor respected and idolized his father, and losing him and obviously taken a toll on the younger selwyn. this prick was just trying to push and pull at his weakness. "the problem is not that we can't control you," chester continued with a small, sad smile as if he was telling a good friend that his dog had died, "it's that you can no longer control your little operation here."

"that bull SHIT!" jett snapped, rising so fast from his chair that it fell backward and crashed onto the floor, spurring his fellow mafia members to swell forward, only standing back when connor motioned them down. "connor has done more for this organization than you've ever done for the ira, you self-centered bastard. you were just a pup when the ira was getting strong, so don't act like you had a part in it. it just hasn't screwed you over and shitted on you yet. but wait, it will." jett slammed his hand down on the table and rattled the fruit bowl which sat in the center. raising his eyebrows as if jett's behaviour only proved what he'd been saying about connor losing control of the mob, chester calmly made eye contact with the blond, distraught twin. "i understand you're under stress, mr. byrne... with your sister missing thanks to the selwyns and all..."

while connor's heart constricted in his chest so rapidly he thought he was going to pass out (how could the ira have known?!), jett instantly lashed out at mcconnell. "you bastard! how DARE you blame them for that! eli went missing on a fucking mission, and i don't ever want to hear you speak of her again... or i will kill you," jett threatened, cringing to attack the man over the table as lennox grabbed him and pulled him forcefully back. chester smiled, pleased with himself for getting such a reaction out of the other man, and sat back complacently in his seat. looking over at connor who was standing silently with his arms crossed over his chest, chester offered him a knowing smile as if he could read his mind. "unfortunately, the ira finds it necessary to step in to the matters in sapphire bay. your little brood war has gotten national and international attention, and the irish people are being tarnished by your wild operation here. you're no longer the covert powerhouse you once were. unless you can prove to bring this little family business under control, then we find it in our obligations to take matters into our own hands."

connor ground his teeth together and was preparing for a biting remark when he was interrupted by the maid. "mister connor... i think you should come look at this." he turned to snap at her and order her to leave them alone at risk of her own life, but the look in the older woman's eyes told him he should listen to her. "excuse me for a moment, gentlemen." turning his back on the dining room, he followed the maid to the front door where she opened it and gestured to the steps on the front of the massive mansion.

his first instinct was to rush down the stairs and grab her into his arms, give her cpr, kiss her, tell her he loved her and had never done anything so horrible as to give her up to the russians in payment for an alliance that never happened. then he remembered she didn't even know he was the one who had sold her to them in the first place. she probably just thought he hadn't been able to rescue her before she'd escaped herself. and there was the matter of the ira sitting in his damn dining room, having just said he didn't have things under control. connor selwyn was notorious for being controlling, and he would not appear weak in front of that bastard. he heard footsteps behind him in the hallway and he knew they'd been followed. his heart and mind instantly froze over as they did in battle. this was a battle he had to win, and he had nothing to do with eli. she would just have to understand that. she was a warrior, she understood that about him. besides, everyone knew connor selwyn wasn't capable of loving anyone or anything more than himself.

at least that was what everyone believed.

stepping out onto the expansive porch, feeling the tension in the air as he felt the young chester mcconnell judging his actions, connor bent down and gripped eli by the hair on the back of her head, turning her over onto her back. she looked half-starved by her obvious weight loss, and his face tightened in pain at seeing the bruises just beginning to heal where she'd obviously been beaten to within an inch of her life by those russian bastards. but no, the couldn't show sympathy to her. everyone would know how he felt about her if he did, and he couldn't have that. he had to treat her like any other soldier. releasing her hair, he stood and glared down at her where she lay on the steps. "get her inside and clean her up," connor hissed to the maid who rushed down the stairs to help eli to her feet the best she could. making sure his gaze remained cool and emotionless despite everything they'd been through, he fixed eli with a blank gaze. "and clean up these stairs. i don't want my front porch looking disheveled for the neighbors."

the could feel the heat of the eyes on the back of his head as the maid helped limp eli into the house. as she passed, he forced himself to stay calm past his emotions of missing her and worrying if she was dead while he could do nothing about it, and he turned to the side as she passed. "jett will debrief you once you're cleaned up." with that, he turned and pushed back through the crowd of people and headed back for the kitchen.

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TEMPLATE BY ROYALSTANDARD.

[eli byrne]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HshTMYttcWs/Sltx2S2CJNI/AAAAAAAADtE/Ui6YFoZchHI/s400/bar-refaeli-005.jpg) ] now it's clear to me That everything you see Ain't always what it seems - - - - - - - - - - - - - - She was sick, so sick. It hurt to move, it hurt to breathe. This didn't compare to the way that she had felt the day she had been shot, the day she had been ambushed at the Carnival with Connor. He had saved her life that day and everything had changed after that. That didn't seem that long ago. It seemed like yesterday, or some time last week. She remembered back to the moment in the kitchen when they had decided to try things out. It had been obvious that they couldn't get enough of one another and Eli had developed feelings. It had been apparent that Connor had as well, for he had been the one to suggest trying a closed relationship. It would be so closed off that they were the only two that knew about it. And things had been going well, or so Eli had believed. They lived from the thrill of sneaking around the compound, of having sex in places that they could be easily caught. Had they wanted to be discovered? Eli was sure that they didn't, but the very memories had been what kept her going during her imprisonment. Connor had cared for her. She didn't know if that care extended to love, but she did know one thing. After her stay with the Russians, she knew that she loved Connor Selwyn. Being in the position she had been in had made her realize what not to take for granted. She planned on telling him as soon as she broke free. However, she was too weak. She couldn't even find her voice to let anyone, someone know that she was out here. She was going to die on this step, just as she thought she was going to die those many months ago. Just as she thought she was going to die every day with the Russians. She had believed that they were going to kill her but they never had. They had beaten her within an inch of her life many times only to bring her back to the world of the living. They had branded her, burned her, hit her, and had done other horrible physical tortures to her but they had never ended her pain or her misery. And when they started raping her. Eli closed her eyes in pain now, curling up into the fetal position on the steps. She could take the physical pain. Eli had always been able to handle a large amount of pain. It was the pain and the shame of being raped over and over again. They had been relentless. It was as if they were trying to prove a point. She hated them. She hated them more than she hated anyone else in her life at the moment, and that was saying a lot. When she was well enough she wanted to go back to that place and shoot every single one of them. She wasn't going to stop until they were all dead. She had to make that vow. She would keep that promise. But right now she was absolutely good for nothing. In her half awake state, she didn't even notice that the maid had come out, having seen her enter on the camera. When the old woman had leaned down and checked for a pulse, Eli hadn't even been able to say one word to her. She was starving, she was freezing, she was soiled. She didn't want to say anything, she didn't know if she could find her voice. Everything just didn't seem to matter now. She just wanted Connor and her brother. She just wanted someone to tell her that everything was going to be alright. She needed someone to tell her that in order to survive. She felt like she was going to be sick, but there was nothing inside of her to make her so nauseous. Eli didn't know how she was going to heal from this and that scared her. She had never felt this way before. She wasn't suffering from any bleeding, she hadn't been shot, she didn't have any broken bones. She had bruises and scrapes, but the healing needed to be done on the inside. Eli had never had this kind of feeling inside of her and she realized with a start that it was because she had lost the precious life that had been growing inside of her. The baby was dead. There was no doubt about that. The beatings that they had put her through, the drugs they had piled into her to sedate her...it was like signing the death warrant to the life that hadn't even begun to live. Eli broke in that moment. Her body shook with the severity of it all and just as she was about to let the tears fall, there he was. Connor. Her breath hitched in her throat as her half lidded eyes took in the sight of him. He looked as handsome as ever, but the worry she had expected to see wasn't there. Something was wrong. He had to be acting this way for a reason. She couldn't lift herself to look at him, couldn't ask him what was wrong, and she closed her eyes as if to hide that weakness from him. It was then that she felt a strong hand at the back of her neck and she tensed visibly, memories of what a different hand at the back of her neck had meant in the past months. But this was Connor. She recognized his touch anyone. However, instead of soothing, he brought more pain. As he grasped her hair, Eli couldn't even respond with a cry. She felt like a shell, an echo of her former self and the fight was gone from her eyes as she looked up into his. Instead of the love and the worry that she had desperately needed, there were the cold and calculating eyes of a leader. What was going on? And then it hit her. What if he had fallen for someone else in this year? What if he had given up on her and that was why he hadn't been searching for her? Things were different, she was different. Maybe just looking at her now, covered in dirt and dried blood, bruises and scars, made him sick to his stomach. And that shattered what little resolve she had left. She wouldn't cry in his presence, but as soon as she was alone with Jett she would break. She wanted her brother to gather her in his safe, familiar arms and just be there for her. He would be. He had always been there for her no matter what. As Connor released her from his hold, her head fell back onto the cement steps, unable to even hold herself up. Closing her eyes immediately from the shame and embarrassment of it all, she missed the glare he had set upon her. Trying to cover herself because of the rags her clothes had become, Eli wished that it was over. She wished now, in that moment, that she had died there. She didn't understand why he was being so cold, she didn't understand why he was acting the way he was or saying what he was. What she did know was that it hurt more than she'd ever want to admit. When the order was given to get her inside to clean her up, she tensed once more. She didn't want anyone touching her outside of Connor and her brother. She didn't want to be left alone with anyone, she didn't want to be seen by anyone. But as she was lifted to her feet by the maid, Eli could hear the woman's gasp of breath at how light she was. Eli was falling to pieces, and her heart had joined the rubble. Connor didn't care, but maybe it was all an act. As she was half carried into the house, her spiritless blue eyes noticed the men gathered. She was on display and it sickened her. Pity was in some of their eyes, but some of them stared at her in disgust. It seemed they shared the same view as Connor. As his voice rang out once more, Eli shut it out. She didn't want to be debriefed, she didn't want anything anymore. She just wanted to be left alone. That wasn't an option. As the maid brought her into her old bedroom, Eli was carried directly to the bathroom. Another maid came and assisted, and the two were able to shower and clean the young Irish woman. Gone was the fight, gone was the anger and fire that she would have displayed if she was in her right mind. She was finished. The maids were nearly frozen in shock when they could see what Eli had really become. The bruises and the scars covering her body made them sick, and there was a brand on the back of her right shoulder. They didn't understand what it meant, but it was the symbol for the Russians. They had claimed ownership over her and she'd never be able to forget. She didn't want to think about it. She just focused on remaining on her feet as they helped her dress in warm, comfortable clothes. The sweatpants hung off of her waist, the shirt was falling from her bony shoulders. She looked horrible, and they could do nothing to hide the circles beneath her eyes, the bruises on her face. They did the best they could. As one maid braided Eli's hair, the other ran to fetch Jett. And when he entered the room, Eli cried. She couldn't go to him, she couldn't move from the place they had laid her on her bed, but she wanted to. "J-Jett...why..no one came..." Hysteria set in at that moment. All of her feelings, all of her emotions piled together into one giant mess, making her cry, making her hurt. Her life felt like it was over, but she realized with a bitter hatred of herself that that was selfish. A life was over, but it wasn't her own. When her brother came to her, she was able to lift herself into his arms. Clinging to her twin, she wondered if he had felt anything that she had felt during those long days and nights in captivity. She prayed he hadn't. Sobbing into his shoulder, Eli finally showed how weak she had really become. CONNOR. 1746. OUTFIT. TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[CONNOR SELWYN]

[style=width: 400px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: #000; line-height: 85%; text-transform: uppercase; padding-top: 8px;]it's a steel knife in my windpipe

She fucking hates me and I love it

jett didn't need anyone to order him to go to his sister. he barely heard connor tell eli that he would be the one debriefing her, for his heart broke and mended just to make him so pissed off at what had been done to her that he wanted to burn every russian, hanging upside down as they cried and begged for his forgiveness. a forgiveness they would never receive. jett was a killer, that much was true, but even he held a sanctity for human life in his own weird way. there was an art to a fire, the way the flames licked at the air and ate everything they touched, and there was an art to killing. what had been done to eli was obviously senseless abuse, and he couldn't bare the thought of it without becoming enraged out of his mind. he wanted to force his way in to help the maids clean eli up, but he was able to see enough sense through his rage that he thought she may just be uncomfortable with him there. so he leaned up against the door outside of her bedroom (which he'd kept cleaned and in order, allowing none of connor's whores or anyone else in but the maids during eli's absence), and he patiently waited for the bathing to be done.

throughout the past year, jett had gone over and over what could have happened on her mission - how the hell the russians had known to ambush her at the right time - and where she could be hidden. connor had tried everything he could to get her back, but there had been no sign of her. he had refused to believe her dead because he just didn't feel that it was true. the twins had enough of that weird twinsense for him to just know in his gut that eli was not dead. she couldn't have been or he would have felt it. she was literally the other half of him, in a completely nonromantic way that most people couldn't understand. it was as if she could read his mind, and he could read hers, and through every horrible thing that had happened in their lives they could always depend on each other.

finally, the maids exited the room and pushed open the door for him to dash through. he hesitated only a moment once he was inside, as his eyes adjusted to the semi-darkness within, but when he saw her, he practically broke into a run. her arms raised for him, and he engulfed her in a hug he hoped wouldn't hurt her even as he couldn't help holding her so tightly. time seemed to slow to a crawl as he held his sister in his arms, so relieved she was alive and well and here and safe. his hatred for the russians and what they'd put her through dissolved into the back of his mind as his pure relief over her presence overwhelmed him. her broken voice, asking why no one had come for her, broke his heart and when she started crying he almost did the same. he hugged her tightly before releasing her and forcing himself to remain strong as he saw his usually-strong sister so broken. his hands rubbed her shoulders soothingly as he looked into her eyes and tried to smile to calm her. "connor and i did everything we could to find you, but the russians had you deep," he answered, shaking his head as the anger returned. "those bastards didn't want you found, and they did a good job of it. but we never gave up, eli... never... i'm so glad you're safe now." he gathered her into his arms again and just hugged her until he would feel that he'd never lose her again.


staring into the empty blackness of the wall of his bedroom, connor downed his second glass of whiskey in about five minutes. he'd left lennox to argue with the ira representatives in the kitchen and closed himself up in his bedroom with his alcohol. he'd started in on the hardest liquor he had readily available, and he was hoping to be drunk by the time it grew dark outside. seeing eli like that, in the state she'd been in, after a year of thinking about her and regretting his stupid decision to turn her over to those russian bastards... he cringed slightly and swallowed the last half of his third glass in one gulp. a sound behind him made him turn and glare at the darkness behind him. to his chagrin, he wasn't as drunk as he'd been hoping (thanks to his high irish tolerance for alcohol coupled with years of overdrinking), and the outline of a slender irish female was silhouetted in the doorway, framed by the light coming from the den beyond. "eli..."

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TEMPLATE BY ROYALSTANDARD.

[eli byrne]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HshTMYttcWs/Sltx2S2CJNI/AAAAAAAADtE/Ui6YFoZchHI/s400/bar-refaeli-005.jpg) ] now it's clear to me That everything you see Ain't always what it seems - - - - - - - - - - - - - - He was what she needed, she knew that. Jett was her rock, he had always been her rock. While she had been there for Jett when he needed her the most, she knew that he would return the favor. This was what they did for one another. When one hurt, the other was there. It was a silent agreement between the two of them and Eli was gratefully he was here now. He would know what to do, he would know what to say. And as his strong arms enveloped her tiny body, she closed her eyes and buried her face in his neck. She struggled to breathe, struggled to calm her racing heart but it just wasn't an option at the moment. Eli was having a panic attack. For so long, for a year, she had remained strong. While she was breaking on the inside she would not let her hard, outside demeanor crack. She had appeared stoic and proud, defiant and full of pride. She never wavered under their treatments, no matter how hard they hit her, no matter how many times they forced themselves onto her. She had cried on the inside, she had shattered long ago. The old Eli was never going to surface again. She realized that with a shock now, and that was what triggered her panic attack. She was never going to be the same. She didn't know who she was anymore. So lost was she, that Eli wondered if she'd even be able to allow her brother in to help her find herself. There was no point. She could never be found. That Eli could never be found. That Eli had died along with the life that she had wanted to live. She wished there was some way she could give her life for the child that had only lived for two months. Eli would never call the baby an it, so she believed that the child was a girl. She wanted her baby girl to live. She would give anything for that baby to see the outside world, to be safe, to be protected. Eli would give her life for her daughter. She willed this to be a horrible, horrible nightmare, but she knew she was never going to wake up. Eli clung to Jett now, her one savior, squeezing as tightly as she could. However, her strength was nothing as it had once been. She could barely hold herself up, and the only reason that she was able to, was because Jett was holding her. Keeping her eyes tightly closed, she listened to her words, wanting to believe them, willing to believe them. But they weren't true. Maybe Jett had looked, but someone had given him the wrong leads. Everything was pointing warning signs to the man that she loved, but she refused to believe anything until she saw him. However, his icy demeanor on the front steps had sent alarms ringing through her. He was more worried about his steps looking trashy than the woman he had developed feelings for. Eli hadn't even seen warmth cross over his eyes. She had seen it there before when he used to look at her and only her, but she was terrified that he'd never show it again. She needed to talk to him, she needed to find out the truth. However, she was focused on Jett now and she wondered what she could tell him. Nothing. She knew that she couldn't tell him about the baby because she needed to protect Connor. She couldn't tell him that she was raped because he would lose it like he had that day in his shed. She could only tell him that she was beaten. That's all he had to know. But he also had to know how close to the surface she really was. She had walked out of that place so easily that it had sickened her. The Russians had gotten sloppy. But, her place of captivity had never changed. She had never traveled in a vehicle, she had always remained in that building, in that room. She could recognize that room even in the darkness, even with the blindfold. "Levi...." She managed between gasps, trying still to regain her composure, trying to control her breathing although it was rocketing out of control. She wheezed now, her fingers tightening around the fabric of his shirt. "I w-walked out of t-there in five m-minutes. I wasn't b-buried. I w-was right t-there. R-Right there!" Her voice rose in hysterics and she fought to control herself. They weren't there. They hadn't looked for her. At least, Connor hadn't. He would have found her. He had the connections, he had the ability. She knew he did. He was trying to get an alliance with the Russians. Why wouldn't he know more? Jett looked, she knew he had, but he didn't have enough power or sway. She had been buried to him, but not to Connor and that killed her. She needed to talk to Connor. Crying into her brother's shoulder now, Eli stayed with him, her thoughts confused and muddled, her heart broken. And she remained this way until he successfully calmed her into whimpers, and then slowly rocked her to sleep as he had when they were younger. Eli was home. She was finally, finally home. ------------------------------ She didn't sleep for very long. The nightmares had her screaming, the memories had her shaking. The maids came in multiple times to check on her, and even Jett came and stayed with her. She wanted him to get some sleep though and knew he wasn't while she was so restless beside him. She had told him to leave so he could sleep, knowing he had a job to go out on in the morning. It wasn't fair for him to suffer and be exhausted because of her. She would be here when he returned. She promised him. As her brother left, Eli stayed in bed for a moment longer, waiting the correct amount of time. When she was sure that Jett had returned to his room, she knew where she had to go. Pushing herself slowly up, she sat up, gingerly moving the covers off of her aching body. Her body was on fire, everything was in agony. The brand on the back of her shoulder made her uncomfortable, but it was nothing compared to the empty weight in her belly. The baby wasn't there. She wasn't dreaming. Trying not to lose it all over again, she forced herself to keep her composure. She had practiced keeping emotion from her face and her eyes for a year now. She had improved. She was a different person. Before, when fire and spite had flared in her eyes, when sadness had come through, there was now nothing. Her eyes would never flash in the same way that they had. The color wouldn't rise to her cheeks when someone made her angry. She didn't feel anything but hollow inside, and there was no way that her emotions would surface when she didn't want to feel anymore. Taking a deep breath, she exhaled slowly and pushed herself up. She couldn't wallow in this self pity for forever. She needed to do something, needed to go somewhere. And that somewhere was Connor's room. She couldn't put it off any longer. Working up the courage, she limped slowly from her bedroom, having to pause to rest when she reached her door. At least his room wasn't far from hers. Leaning her forehead against the cool wood of the door, she felt breathless and shaky. She was light headed and weak, and she felt sick to her stomach. Her face paled dramatically from the movement but she knew that she needed to be strong. She needed to find that strength somewhere. Reaching for her last reserves, she moved to the side, shuffling because of the pain in her leg. Remembering the nails that the Russians had driven into her skin, into her bone made her gag, but she refused to retch now. Swallowing past the saliva gathering quickly because of her nausea, she whined slightly before anyone could hear her. This was awful. She had never felt like this in all of her life. Shaking her head, she opened her door, slipping easily through the small opening she had created. Closing her door behind her, she could care less if someone found her bed empty. She wouldn't have gone far. Stepping forward now, she kept her hand on the wall, needing the support from it to get to Connor's room. Once she saw his door looming in front of her, she just went for it. The new Eli opened the door, hovering in the door frame for a moment. Seeing him look up threw her off for a moment, so she hesitated. Briefly. Regaining her composure and refusing to run to him for the comfort she so desperately needed from him, Eli stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, locking it. They were going to talk this out. She was done. She needed to figure this out. If he had given up on her because she was gone for the year because she was ambushed then she would never forgive him. Leaning against his door, she felt breathless once more. the dizziness making her way even though she was stationary. She had never, ever been this weak before and it killed her that she looked like this in front of him. She wished he wouldn't be able to see the bruises that covered her face, the injuries that covered her entire body. She was forever scarred, mentally and physically. No man would ever want to be with her because of what she looked like. Pushing those thoughts from her mind, she heard him manage her name but nothing else. Watching him warily, it was obvious that she no longer trusted him. "Why'd you do that?" Her question was accusing and oddly general. She wanted to see if she could catch him in a trap, but she doubted it. She needed to narrow it down because he would just grow irritated if she tried to play games with him. Her voice came out once more, strained, hoarse from the year of screaming in agony. "You looked at me as if I was nothing. What am I to you now?" She paused now, trying to regain her breath, her hands trembling furiously. Clenching her fists so he wouldn't see yet another weakness she waited for his response. She had so much more to say, but she needed to know if it was even worth her time. "Do you even care anymore Connor? Because I...I do. I never stopped." She admitted, his name sounding odd and foreign on her lips. But at least she admitted she had never strayed. At least he would know she still cared. She was too afraid to say that she loved him, but she knew that she did. She couldn't stop it even though she was wary. She just...she needed to know. CONNOR. 1098. OUTFIT. TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.